"And the outlook is…five more months at number one!"

One of the many things to fall by the wayside along with badly-printed jagged-edged Radio Times pages and Ice Magic have been mainstream TV comedy shows that feature spoofs of contemporary chart hits.

They simply don’t exist anymore. They have vanished. Which is unfortunate given there are still, and always will be, plenty of chart hits in need of spoofing.

The present number one single is a case in point. Now that it’s been around so long even your aunt and uncle will have heard about it, Rihanna’s ‘Umbrella’ would make for a splendid pastiche material.

Think of the scene: a well-known entertainer/artiste in ludicrous exagerrated make-up strolls down a rainy, windy street, trying to strut and writhe and the like, only for their brolly to get blown inside out. Then they fall over. Then someone splashes them. Then there’s a reference to Singing In The Rain. Then there’s a reference to Morecambe and Wise doing Singing In The Rain. Then they fall over again. Then they do a rap about being so long at number one and how they wish the sun would come out so they could stop having to carry an umbrella everywhere. Then two dozen people try and crowd under the umbrella leaving them out in the rain. Finally Daniel Corbett comes on and forecasts…20 more weeks at the top of the chart.

At which point our singer tosses the brolly away and shouts “I’m off to Milletts to buy a bloody kagoul!”

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