Doctorin’ the format

Given that David Tennant regenerates in the second of next year’s special episodes, you’d think the hunt must be well under way for the next Doctor Who. In fact the decision has apparently been made, and the show’s new boss, Steven Moffat – for it is he – is already busy piecing together an introductory story that promises to top the imagination, wit and excitement of ‘The Christmas Invasion’ *and* ‘New Earth’. Should take him around 10 minutes, then.

Anyhow, word is the new Doctor Who is to be played by…erm, somebody whose name begins with the letter J. No, this isn’t another attempt to string out an entry about Doctor Who on the flimsiest bit of irrelevance. J, you say? Jehoshaphat! Let’s review the contenders…

James McAvoy
Scottish actor with a cheeky grin who’s able to adopt English accents with ease and likes to play the fool. A shoo-in.

Jonathon Morris
“The entire fabric of space-time…hanging by a thread!”

John Simm
Worth it to see the uber-fans go completely unhinged.

James Nesbitt
Don’t worry, it’s not him.

Jack Davenport
“You don’t want a relationship, Donna, you just want to cut my balls off.”

Joe McFadden
Scottish actor with a cheeky grin who’s able to etc.

Joel Hodgson
From Mystery Science Theatre 3000. This is more like it. Characters ‘sitting’ in silhouette at the bottom of the screen commenting on each episode (“Tsk, I see Rose is back from the dead – again”)? Ratings gold!

Jon P’twee
A stunning CGI presentation, by those same people who turned David Tennant into Gollum. “What d’you think of m’new face, b’the way?”

15 Responses to Doctorin’ the format

  1. Mark H Wilkinson says:

    “David Tennant regenerates in the second of next year’s special episodes”

    Um, how do we know this?

  2. Derooftrouser says:

    Er, given that what now?

    Is that speculation or the mother of all spoiler-bombs?

  3. Anonymous says:

    Is he really?

  4. Chris Thomas says:

    I reckon there’s some truth in this. I don’t know about the ‘J’ theory, but I’m pretty sure Moffat is taking over – that’s why the second series of Jekyll has been postponed. And Tennant was always supposed to leave next year, apparently.

  5. Anonymous says:

    What happened to Robert Carlyle being the new Doctor?

  6. Yael says:

    What a load of rubbish.

  7. Anonymous says:

    James Marsters?

  8. Anonymous says:

    Umm, this is obviously humourous article – ie one not trying to be correct, but trying to be funny.

  9. Anonymous says:

    What a load of crap. Check out the BBC press department. It says that Tennant is set to star in the 3 2009 specials. Do you expect to be believed when you regularly shoot down the show? I say it again – what a load of crap.

  10. humourless idiot says:


  11. Chris Hughes says:

    Jasper Carrott (“Lots of planets have a Birmingham… unfortunately!”)

    Jim Broadbent

    James Corden

    Julie Walters (“calm down Davros, have a nice Garibaldi biscuit”)

    Jamie Theakston

    Jeff Stelling (“now *I’m* the good Doctor!”)

    John Culshaw (playing it as all 10 previous Doctors)

    June Whitfield

    John Barrowman (fandom explodes)

  12. matrixdatabank says:

    Why should this be a load of crap? Even if Tennant has said he’s appearing in all three of the specials, that doesn’t mean he can’t regenerate in the second. Cos he’d still be in the third, in flashbacks, yeah?

  13. Claire says:

    I know this is an old post but I was moved to find it again after watching DW tonight and that cryptic comment from the Ood

    I love the idea of Joel Hodgson MST3K-ing Doctor Who…that is pretty much what I do to every episode* until the people I’m watching it with tell me to shut up.

    *also with Torchwood. A lot more with Torchwood in fact.

  14. Dan McDaid says:

    It’s going to be bloody Jack Davenport, isn’t it?


  15. Andy Elms says:

    Culshaw could appear by redubbing, cutting down old episodes to 5 minute segments and RTD penning some new dialogue about wallpaper…

    Would make decent filler on Basil Brush’s Swap Shop

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